truth is...

I miss my son.

Everything is okay. My sailor is safe in Charleston,

settling into his home for the next 2 years.

I am glad boot camp is over.

But this letting go... it's not so easy.

On a positive note~ My son will be home

for Christmas. As much as I dislike the stores being 

so decked out so early, this year it reminds me that 

the holidays will bring a visit. ♥ 

I promise a more upbeat post in a day or two.

~♥~

so proud

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brave new world

Last week at this time we were in Great Lakes enjoying 

our son's brief liberty after his boot camp graduation. 

It seems like a year ago! 

The time flew. Those few hours over 2 short days were

not nearly enough. The good bye at O'Hare 

was brutal. Since my son's arrival at NNPTC 

communication has been pretty good... texts, phone calls,

FaceBook. But it is hard to realize that this 

is as good as it gets. I've been sad, but I am

determined to accept this new reality, and to

support and encourage my Sailor. 

It is a rough road, a lonely place for a mother's 

heart. But there is no option except to let go

and CHOOSE gratitude. 

Today I am grateful for family and friends,

for the supportive military community

and for the gift of this day. 

~♥~

bittersweet

A year ago my son was a high school senior

who was talking to a US Navy recruiter.

Today he is a a Sailor with three red stripes

on his sleeve, stationed at

Naval Nuclear Training Command

in Goose Creek, S.C. 

He begins classes later this month, 

the start of a long trek toward becoming

a Machinist Mate-Nuclear Field. 

PIR (boot camp graduation) was amazing.

Our short time with our son was an emotional

roller coaster. I don't like roller coasters.

I thought my first post after PIR would be 

a song of joy, a celebration of pride.

And I feel those things, I assure you,

but in all honesty, I am bereft.

Boot camp had a beginning and an end.

But this, ah this... this is our new reality.

Our son is a Sailor. He chose to serve

and he is gone and he is grown.

He is not in college or at a regular job. 

Nothing or no one comes before 

his commitment to the Navy.

I trust that this new reality will lose some of its

sharp barbs in time, that this ache will ease.

I am grateful for easier communication 

with my Sailor now, happy to know

he is safe and moving toward his goals.

I am trying to concentrate on these things

and thinking of Christmas, hoping 

he has leave.

~♥~

My son is a SAILOR!

At last! 

JOY!

HAPPY,HAPPY DAY! 

We leave for Chicago in the morning!

I am so proud of my sweet Sailor son! 

Millions of photos and details

to come. 

~♥~

almost there...

It is rather surreal to think that in 2 weeks and 2 days 

we will be Great Lakes bound!

My son graduates from boot camp on 9/30/11~ the last group

to graduate in dress whites until next spring.

My son is in a push division which means his time 

in boot camp is 7 weeks, not the more standard 8 weeks.

So, we will see him soon! 

The past 5 weeks has, at times, seemed endless.

Our contact with our son has been minimal...

the form letter, the 'kid in a box", 3 real letters

and ONE and only ONE PHONE call (2 weeks ago).

That is not much, but it does get you through. 

I am also part of a FaceBook group for his division 

and that is a great resource. I have made some wonderful

new friends. The Navy community is pretty amazing!

By sharing info from our letters

and calls, we can piece together a pretty good glimpse 

of how things are going. All of the communication

from my son has been positive. 

He is a Recruit Petty Officer  ~Port Watch Section Leader.

He says that being in leadership is one

of the best things about his boot camp experience.

Many in the division have been ill, which is typical.

I assume it is a combination of bringing lots of people together 

from all over the country, mental and physical stress

and extreme fatigue that makes the recruits vulnerable

to the "Ricky Crud" and other contagious maladies. 

My son had the crud when he called AND pink eye 

AND 4 wisdom teeth had been pulled. This is my 

"never sick" kid... but he did not complain and I am assuming

he is well by now. Nowhere is the adage "no news

is good news" more applicable than boot camp.

Hopefully the entire division is better now.

The last few weeks are certainly hard, but at this point the divisions

should be working together and the training is more...

fun?? Is that the word? Well, more hands-on anyway.

They should be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I see my own little light, too. In a short time

I will see my son~ briefly. He will depart for A School

in South Carolina the day after PIR. And then the real journey

begins. His schooling is long (2 years) and then out to the fleet

for 4 years and them some commitment to reserves... .

it just goes on and on. My son will not be home for most holidays.

He belongs to the U.S.Navy now... for real, and that 

is the hard part, the "my heart is bursting with pride" part,

the real letting go. 

I am learning my lessons and the first one

may be this~Make the best of the time you have. 

~not a bad approach to life in general, that "glass

half full" thing. I believe in that, try to live like that.

Gratitude is always the best choice.

For now, I am focused on our trip to RTC  in

a little over 2 weeks, to that moment when the new sailors 

enter the graduation hall...

For now that is enough.

~♥~

up, up and away...

At this time next week my son will be at MEPS

doing his final swearing-in. We will send him off

with love, prayers and encouragement! 

Today I am mostly excited, ready for his

great adventure to begin! 

I keep thinking about how important it is 

to have the right attitude. I want my son to go

forth with confidence and determination. 

I can ask no less of myself! I want to focus

on the positive and radiate peace as I support

my son and learn to navigate my new life

with a less full nest. It's all good.

~♥~

tick tock~tick tock

So, now we are down to 11 days until our son ships out... 

which is actually 10 days because he has to be at the recruiting

office at 3:00 the day before, then on to a hotel for the night.

We can take him out for dinner that night as long as we stay 

very close by (preferably in the hotel) and have him in 

his room by 10:00pm.We will go to MEPS  the next

day to see him do the final swearing-in 

(the "no turning back, you're in the Navy now" one) 

and  then say good-bye. Some parents go to the airport and

 hang out, but unless our son requests this, I think I'll pass. 

I can only take so many farewells.

Things seem surreal. It is hard for me to imagine him gone,

despite the 10 months we have known this date.

I am very excited, proud and grateful for this opportunity

for my son, but it is bittersweet. 

I don't even know what to do these last days.

He seems quiet and a bit withdrawn. I know this 

is not unusual and is part of the separation process.

I have the business of organizing an "Anchors Aweigh"

 party to distract me. Then come the good-byes 

and the long wait for communication from boot camp.

What a ride this has been...

and it has barely begun! 

19 days and counting...

I'm not sure how we got here, but my son leaves

 for boot camp in 19 days.

It seems like yesterday that we were counting months

and now it is just over 2 weeks! .

I am staying busy, trying not to obsess, but it is tough-

and he's still here! 

My son is getting ready. Yesterday he went through

a lot of stuff in his room. He cleaned up his desk top

computer since he now has an amazing lap top

to take to Charleston. The ball is rolling

and gathering speed. His new life is so close.

I am so excited for him, but scared, too.

How will he feel in Great Lakes,

 so far from home,

among strangers and under duress?

 I have confidence in him, but still, a mother

 does not like to know 

that her child will be in distress, tired and homesick.

I KNOW he will do fine. I understand the method.

These young people have to be able to withstand pressure

and still perform their tasks. 

So, it is nearly time for my son to say good bye

and face his future.
19 days.

~♥~

28 days...

I live a blessed life. I have a a husband who is actually Superman

 (shhh! that's top secret), four children that amaze me every day, 

wonderful friends, a pretty home and the privilege

of time and space to pursue my artistic dreams. 

My heart sings a constant hymn of gratitude.

My oldest son is married to a sweet, lovely gal that we adore.

 He works for Frito-Lay and loves his job. They live close by

 which makes me so happy. My only daughter is a college student

 and a very talented artist. She is finding her way at her 

own pace (translation~ taking forever to get through school). 

She is a sweet, sweet young lady with a heart of gold.

My future sailor is an interesting kid~ very hard working, 

smart, driven. He knows everything, as do all 18 year olds.

 Beneath his bravado he has a tender heart and loves to help people.

And my "baby" is going into 9th grade. He is also very talented in art. 

He is very kind and brave.

I love them all beyond measure.

And in 28 days I will say goodbye to one of them. 

And it is goodbye~ goodbye to his childhood.

Unlike the more gradual transition to adulthood that most
 young people make,  the military life is a crash course
 in growing up. I know when my son leaves

 on August 8th, no matter what, he will be changed
when I see him again. I am excited for him
and proud of his choice. But part of me will mourn the loss
of his childhood, of his carefree life. 

I see it already~
 the realization of the seriousness of this endeavor. 

Next month at this time he will be in Great Lakes
being challenged  and molded into a Sailor in the world's greatest navy.
If he can do that, then I can do my part.
I can choose to dwell in gratitude

 for this opportunity, for all my sweet children, for this life that 

blossoms like the most tender rose. 

reality check

Early last November there was excitement at my house.

Our middle son, a high school senior, had gotten an impressive

ASVAB  score, one that opened the door to a world

of opportunity for a very bright kid who is a bit of a, shall we say,

non-conformist. This boy loves to work, loves to DO things, figure

out things, fix things. He is impatient with extraneous stuff-

like elective classes. He wants to learn useful things, that pertain

to the job at hand. Nuke school sounds like the place for him.

So last fall, through the winter, even this spring~ his ship date 

of 8/8 seemed distant. It was easy to be excited

and happy about his choice to sign a 6 year contract

with the US Navy. And now, at less that 2 months

until his departure, I am still excited and happy, but ~

 BUT~ reality is whispering in my ear.

I am thinking of how everyday life will be without 

this sweet, funny boy close by. He is my most

attentive child, the one (of 4) that looks out for me. 

He's a mama's boy~ not in a wimpy way, but in 

a sweet, loving way. I always thought he'd marry a sweet gal

and live around the corner. I thought they'd eat dinner with 

us a few times a week and he'd still carry heavy things

for me and kiss me on top of the head when he left.

But, this boy will sail the seven seas. He will learn

and grow and become a fine man and a sailor.

And it begins soon. 

It is what he needs to do and I am excited and happy.

I am. I am. I am.

That's my job. 

~♥~

the choice to serve

Having a child make the decision to serve their country 

can really make a parent think. 

While many people regard the choice to enlist in military service

as a fall back for young people that have few options, 

nothing is further from the truth. Today's Navy is over-manned-

due to downsizing and the current economic climate in our country.

Most recruits (after passing extensive testing) will encounter a long

wait until their field has an opening. 

My son enlisted in November, graduated last month

and departs in August. He qualified for one of the few under-manned 

rates- nuclear field (only about 3% of the Navy). 

It is not easy to enlist and even before recruits leave for 

boot camp they begin learning the Navy way. My son is

in the Navy's Delayed Entry Program (DEP) and attends

meetings and is in regular, close contact with his recruiters. 

He is expected to learn material, practice drills and keep his 

nose clean until his departure. 

Young people who choose to enter military service and 

are able to qualify are privileged to serve and we, 

as US citizens,are also privileged to have them

 looking after us in a dangerous, complex world. 

The next time you hear of a young person making this commitment,

don't assume they had no other options. 

Instead, understand that they are embarking on a noble,

challenging endeavor to benefit not only themselves,

but also the greater good of our nation and the world.

Know that they are among a select group of young men 

and women that qualify and choose to live an uncommon life

of self- sacrifice and courage.

~♥~

endings

My son went off cheerfully to his last day of high school last week.

I think he felt only happiness and an eagerness to move forward 

and leave his public school days behind.

Me? Not so much. 

My feelings were mixed. Another one of my "babies" finishing high school

is a great, but bittersweet feeling. Three down, one to go.

Where did the time go? 

Ah, well, it flies. Days, months, years~ all gone like fallen

snow when the sun comes beaming out. But it is a good thing, the way

of the world. We cannot stop time, but memories are a sweet

balm to the aching heart. I am happy, mostly. 

My son said, "Mom, why do people make such a big deal about high school graduation?

Everybody graduates!"... I told him it was a milestone, 

a distinctive marker in a young person's life, the end of an era~

but what does an 18 year old grasp about milestones? 

He is looking toward his bright, exciting future.

My son's recruiter was at graduation and even though

it is still two months until boot camp, this sure did feel 

like I was handing him over to the capable hands

of the U.S. Navy. 

So now I count the double digit days...

We need to get a power of attorney, go though my son's room...

Graduation was an ending, but also a beginning~

a new life awaits my son... and me. 

Ready or not.

~♥~

this boy...

This boy is enjoying his last days of childhood.

He mows lawns and sings in church choir.

He plays X-box and hangs out with his girl.

He teases his little brother

and tells me he loves me.

I can not imagine being 18 years old and making such

a major decision. He has signed up

for 6 years of military service. Six years

is a long time no matter how you slice it, but at 18

it is HUGE! 

I admire his courage, his willingness to leap

forward into real life. 

And I hope he will be happy with his choice.

I hope he will appreciate the amazing opportunity

he has to learn and do meaningful work.

This boy~ he makes me proud.

~♥~

with open hands...

Every day I receive gifts. The world offers such beauty, 

so much opportunity, so many choices.

I am learning, through this journey, how very much our choices

 and our attitudes define us. 

I am striving, every day, to open my eyes, my hands, my heart. 

I am choosing to be grateful for the gift of letting go. 

My son will soon spread his wings against the wide, wild sky.

 His life will unfurl before him. And I will know that we have loved him well, 

that he has been raised to be honorable, caring and brave. 

He will take his own path out into the world, but our love

 will follow him, buffet him against storms and trials, 

remind him that we are here, a heartbeat away,
always lifting him upward and onward.  

~♥~

the eggshell problem...

I'm blessed to be a mom of four~ 3 boys and 1 girl~ they are the treasures of my heart.

What joy they have brought to my life! 

and oh, what worry!

From day one our children are a mixed blessing. They fill our hearts to the very brim with love, happiness, hope and dreams of their glorious futures. And they can paralyze us with worry.

The world is perilous and isn't it our job to divert and shield our children from peril? How much we desire to protect our sons and daughters, to wrap them in a cloak of safety that is impenetrable. How impossible our task.

Worry is an issue I have had to face and attempt to conquer. When worries come (and they do) I ask myself~"Does my anxiety accomplish anything good?" The answer is always no. I try to steer my thoughts toward things I CAN control. I think thoughts of gratitude. I brainstorm on activities I can do that are positive. I do not always succeed, but like most things, the more we do them the more naturally they come to us. 

Lately, I am struggling with fears that my son will do something that could jeopardize his future in the Navy. As he jumped on the neighbor's trampoline the other day I thought~"Oh, no! What if he gets hurt and is medically disqualified?" When he gave a ride to a kid that I know has smoked pot before I thought~"What if they get pulled over and find pot on this kid?" When my son slacked off in school I thought~"What if his grades aren't good enough and he loses his chance to become a nuke?"... and on and on...

There is so much at stake.

But I remind myself that this is HIS life, his journey. I tell myself that what is supposed to happen, WILL happen. I breathe and pray and think positive thoughts. AND I tell my son to take it easy on the trampoline, to be careful who he associates with, to do his homework~ to keep in mind what is at stake... and then I try very hard to let it go. 

For me, gratitude and faith are the antidotes to worry. 

~most of the time~ ;)

~♥~